5 Years

Wow, it seems like it was just yesterday that I did a post on my blog on Jason's 4 year mark. I can't believe how fast time flies, and how things change. But I feel like I need to express my thoughts and feelings today, maybe this is my way of dealing with my loss....

It has been 5 years since my older brother Jason passed away. I can't believe that it has been 5 years. I was pregnant with McKinlee when Jas died, now she is 4 years old, and I have my little Hunter. I NEVER thought at that time that I would ever get over the sorrow that I felt. But I am so greatful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and for the testimony that I have. I absolutely know without a doubt that I will see Jas again, and that brings me SO much peace. I know that our Heavnely Father has a plan for us. We may not understand why things happen to us, or at times understand what the plan is, but He does have a plan, and the plan will bring us happiness. I never thought that I would be where I am today after Jas died. My testimony has grown so much, and I am such a stronger person. I realize how short life is, and that we can't sweat the small stuff. Life can be gone so quickly. Its not worth the little fights, or arguments, or even the bad days. Look on the bright side of things, and be happy. So many times, we look for the bad in situations or in people, and it's not worth it. Life is so much happier, if we look for happiness.

I am thankful for my Savior Jesus Christ and for His Atonement. I know that He lived and died for me, and that He was resurrected so that we can live together again. I know that He loves me, and is always there for me. Whenever I feel alone, I just need to remember that my Savior is always there for me.

I love my family! My parents are so strong, and I am so thankful for their strength and example, and the love they have for our family. I couldn't ask for better brothers and sister-in-laws, and I love you all! I have the best husband in the world! I love Jordan so much, he is my strength, and sure puts up with a lot from me! He is so loving, thoughtful, patient and caring. I love the dad that he is, and the way he loves McKinlee and Hunter. And I LOVE MY KIDS! What cute little munchkins! They are my joy, and I love them so much!

Thanks for letting me vent my feelings today! I love and miss you Jas! I'll see you again someday!

4 YEARS

It was 4 years ago today that my brother Jas passed away. I can't believe how fast time flies, but then remembering things today makes it seem like yesterday. So much has happened in the last 4 years. I was pregnant with McKinlee when Jas died, and now I have 2 kids. I love and miss Jas dearly. I figured since I don't write in my journal very well, I'd share some of my thoughts.....

It amazes me to see how Heavenly Father works, and His plan for us. I never would've thought 4 years ago I would be where I am now. Losing my brother was such a hard thing for me. I lost one of my best friends in high school, and then lost Jas, and I have always had such a hard time with death. But my testimony of the Gospel and the Atonement of Jesus Christ have been my rock, and what have kept me going. I am so thankful that I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I know that it is the only true church. I know that there is life after death, and I believe in the resurrection, and know that I will see Jas again. What a comfort it is to me to know these things. I am so thankful that my parents were sealed in the Temple, and that we can be an eternal family some day. I have grown so much these past 4 years. I am a stronger person, and I can really say that losing Jas has made me stronger, and a better person. I know how fast life can pass you by. I try to live each day to the fullest, and count by blessings. I am so blessed, and I owe it all to my Heavenly Father. I know that Heavenly Father gives us trials to help us grow, and make us stronger. I know that we can handle anything that is thrown our way, I really believe that. After Jas died, I never thought that I would be able to move on. But life goes on, I'll never forget Jas and miss him dearly, but you can't dwell on that which you have no control. Learn from your trials. I know that serving others helps to forget yourself and your own trials, and realize what you can do to help another person's life.

I love to talk about Jas, I guess you could say that it helps me deal with things. My family called today, and we all reminiced about the past. I'm sad that I am not with you all today. But what an amazing man Jas was. He was so kind and thoughtful, and was always thinking of others. He worked for Gold Cross as an EMT, and loved the medical profession. He loved saving lives, and loved serving others. In fact the night before he died, he saved a girl's life. He was so willing to help those in need. He was so forgiving, and loved to be around people. He loved his wife and 2 kids, they were the world to him. He'd do anything for them. I remember after Jas died, Jason's wife Michelle didn't know how to tell his 2 and 5 year old kids that their daddy had died. Mykell kept asking why everyone was crying, and what was going on. Finally Michelle went outside with her, and told her that Daddy was gone, and was living in Heaven. Mykell calmly told her that she knew, because Jesus had told her. Wow, the knowledge of a child, and how close they are to God. I have felt that same love and comfort these past 4 years. I have truly felt angels around me, holding me up, helping me through trying times.

I love and miss Jas, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him. I know I'll see him again, and that's what keeps me going. I love you Jas! Here is the last picture of Jas with his son Luke before Jas died.